she didn't say yes

I'm reading "Columbine" by Dave Cullen right now. Its been ten years since the shootings happened in Littleton. I was a junior in high school and remember hearing about it here and there and wondering what it was that made those kids do what they did, something I know we still ask ourselves to this day and will continue to wonder for years to come.

Cullen does a good job of giving you detailed background information of the chaos that was the Columbine shooting, particularly the media aftermath and the officials who botched up the information being given to the hounds. They are not all painted so favorably, particularly the local law enforcement officials who are portrayed as blabbering dunces once a camera rolls.

Thirteen kids died. Fifteen if you include the killers. That was the real tragedy. But it seems like the press did its best to just bring the worst out of people. The part that just kills me is the story of the girl Cassie Bernall. The one who allegedly spoke up for God when faced with a gun. Its been confirmed by witnesses now that she didn't say anything. That question was posed "Do you believe in God?" but it wasn't her that affirmed it, it was another girl, one who lived! It was horrible that Cassie died from a shot to the face, just horrible. And with all the grief and confusion, people cast their crowns on the wrong throne.

We wanted so badly to get something good out of it. To tell Satan that you could kill our children but you couldn't take our faith. Somehow they forgot that their faith was supposed to be in God, in Christ and not some girl who they thought was a martyr.

It bothers me. Knowing that it was falsley attributed to someone, that it's a LIE. That we used that story to bring people to Christ, I wish so much they came to him and that the story of a man dying on a cross for our sins was enough to bring them in, not the made up story of a girl who supposedly said yes. And reminder Evelyn, the real tragedy is the death of all those kids, who cares if we're living a lie? Who cares if we make ourselves believe things that aren't true.

Do you care?

I wish I didn't care so much about that lie.

I wish she had lived.

I wish none of those kids had to die.